Part (b) of Part II of Part 3

I often think about blogging and topics to blog about and then I forget to remember what I wanted to blog about when I actually get to the computer so I just end up writing random crap, when I acutally had something that I wanted to write about but just can't remember. I really should start writing this stuff down right when I think of it. But just so you know this has been a life long struggle. My best friend tried to remedy the problem a few years ago, by buying me a handheld recorder. I used to write a lot of poetry and I also used to drive a lot for work. On my drives I would think of the most beautiful poetic lines that I really wanted to commit to paper. By the time I arrived at my destination and got caught up in whatever I was supposed to be doing I would forget the words. Then I would attempt to retrieve the sequence of words to no avail and piss and moan about it to my very organized, problem-solving best friend. So, the recorder arrived in the mail, I bought batteries for it, put it in my car and promplty forgot about it for the most part, hence continuing the vicious cycle. I did, however use it to test my singing skills. I sing at the top of my lungs if I am by myself in the car. When I turn the music up really loud, I can kid myself into believing that I am actually harmonizing with the professionals. So, to see if I was actually harmonizing, I recorded myself singing at the top of my lungs and then I hit replay and about drove off the road. I should not, and can not sing without scaring small children, and sending animals into painful howling episodes. My daughter, between the ages of 3-5 months would cry, large, crocodile tears if I sang. I still sing (at a much softer level) and she just ignores me now, but I really should have believed the evidence the recorder presented to me and the tears my child cried, but I keep practicing, because one day, I will carry a tune without making anyone cry and I'm just too stubborn to believe there is something in the world I can't be good at. What is really frustrating is, my husband can sing and does so very well. He is a joy to listen to and I'm grateful that one of us can sing to our child without eliciting tears.

Next topic, I hope to find out if I got accpeted into graduate school in early November. The application was due Oct 1st, why in the world do I have to wait until mid November? Do the people who review these things not realize that people's lives are hanging in the balance of anticipation and anxiety and that if they would just hurry up and read through them and give it a yes, no or even a maybe I could go one day without wondering about the status and if my life is going to get exponentially more crazy. Here is the nutshell version of my life. 1 yr old, new job, contemplation of more children in the very near future, husband in school, husband, dogs, sleep deprivation, chocolate chips and peanut butter. Certainly, I am not complaining, I just want to know if I have to add SKOOL to this list, so I can know what to prepare for. Either way, keep your fingers crossed and I'm sure I'll let you know if I get it and if I don't get in, I'll be looking to see what's next.


Oh, I do know that I wanted to say something about people who diss Oprah, (www.dfriedberg.blogspot.com) She has more money than you, get over it.

Part two of part (a) of part III

I lost four pounds today. I would not say it was a good thing either. Sure, I can stand to lose four pounds but not in one day and certainly not how I went about doing it. Just for some background-I haven't eaten a stitch of meat (cow, chicken, fish, antelope, frog anything) for the last 6 weeks. Also, my dear husband woke up three nights ago and spent the evening in the bathroom, (not primping) puking. So, here I am at 6:30 a.m. and I feel a little nauseated, I lay down for a bit and then bolt to the bathroom to toss my cookies. Last night, I went out to dinner with some dear friends at Hooters (don't laugh, they have good wings) and I decided to forgo the salad and get some boneless Daytona wings (remember, I haven't eaten meat in 6 weeks) and then because I had my family with me, I decided it would be a really good idea to get fried tator tots with sour cream and cheese (did I mention I haven't been eating much dairy at all, not to mention anything fried), and then one of my friends ordered fried pickles and yes I had one. Fast forward to this morning and I spent four hours upchucking and letting loose from the other end. If this is TMI-quit reading. I knew I was really, really miserable and hoping that I could be knocked unconcious when I was sitting on the pot sharting and puking into a bucket. Right now I'm hoping it was all of the meat, dairy, fried foods etc that put me into such a bad way but I don't know for sure and all I'm really hoping for is that my daughter doesn't get it. It's one thing to be miserable yourself but it's another to have someone you love be miserable. Only time will tell I suppose. On the upside...I lost four pounds.

Part (a) of Part III

I won a book yesterday only because my parents decided to concieve me when they did. It's nice to get free stuff based on somthing you have no control over. I wish I could win the lottery without actually going to buy the ticket. I can see it now. "Kaile, you've won a hundred million bucks (not deer) all because you are alive today and your birthday is August 16th." It's a nice thought-unrealistic, yes, but nonetheless, nice. I admit that I used to watch Real Chance of Love religiously and yes I was probably less smart afterwards. I really like the Berenstein Bears. I loved them as a kid and I love reading them to my kid. Something else I love-spoonfulls of peanut butter and chocolate chips. It's kind of like a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, just not exactly like it. There is not an easily accessible library near my house and I would really like to open a library. I take that back I really want someone else to open the library so that I can just go there and get books. It's the whole accessibility piece, who am I kidding, I don't have that much time to read-I'm a mom.

Part III

I got onto an airplane yesterday, it was an 18 seat plane and as I was going up the stairs I looked to my left and there was a man on a ladder underneath the wing and he was using a cordless Dewalt screwdriver to screw the wing back together. Needless to say, but I'll say it anyhow-I was not impressed. I did silently thank them that they were screwing it back together before we took off, but all I could think was that it must be coming apart and I should probably have my own cordless screwdriver with me in case I needed to screw something back together mid flight. I should have asked to borrow his. On another note I felt very "Hollywood" to be flying on a chartered flight, there were 6 people on the plane on my flight out and only my co-worker and I on the way back. I secretly took pictures of the plane and texted them to my husband because I felt so cool. I'm sure the novelty will wear off as it becomes more routine but I'm going to enjoy it now. Grandparents have it easy-they get to suck all of the goodness out of the children and then give the crabby, stinky version back to the parents. All the while I think they secretly laugh to themselves that we had it coming to us for being brats as kids. Oh well they deserve it after years of torture/joy.

Part II

I think when people drive up to a fast food restaraunt and order a "double cheese burger", they generally are not getting what they order. It's usually a bun, two burger patties with a slice of cheese in the middle. What they are actually getting is a double burger with cheese. So unless they specify "two pieces of cheese" they are getting ripped off. I don't really care because I don't eat cow, but hey, you can call me Captain Obvious. Fall is a great time of year-I challenge anyone to play a game of "Catch the Falling Leaf" from a very tall tree with a friend or two or three. It's a ton of fun, it's not as easy as you think and I think it's even better than catching snowflakes on your tounge. My 11 mo old child booty shakes, she is her mama's daughter. I'm so proud. Thank God someone was brainy enough to come up with the flat screen LCD HDTV's-they are so much lighter than the old school, elephant sized televisions. I helped a friend move a 32 inch tv 6 inches and I broke a sweat, my muscles were shaking and I'm surprised I walked out upright. It weighed 150 pounds. I came home and kissed our 25 pound 32 inch flat screen and my husband because he's the one who actually moved it. I started this blog at the encouragment of my friend who is moving across country and wants to be able to internet stalk me and my family. She's lucky I haven't disconnected the battery cables and let the air out of their car tires because I am going to miss them...well I already do. I hope their travels are safe and I know their future is bright and I'm lucky to know them. Love you Nikki and Adam.

Part I (as seen on Facebook)

I don't dislike cleaning-I would just rather do something else. I think there should be a national holiday dedicated to FB Farming. Yoville is addicting. I think cell phones lead to dementia; people forget how to drive, how to hold a conversation in person, how to spell, remember phone numbers etc, and eventually it will be an actual DSM-IV diagnoses. Loving a child is a primal instinct that would make any rational person turn into an irrational, rabid mama bear. I'm on a mission of personal growth. I never understood it when people say "kids grow up fast" and then I had one of my own. I like to be annoying sometimes, just ask my husband. I wish I liked high heels-I would buy more cute shoes. Having a nice purse and a nice wallet can make a woman feel totally put together, even if she hasn't showered and she is at Wal-mart in her sweats. My car occasionally feels like a giant garbage can on wheels. I think Hummers are the dumbest car to be driving on the highway. They should be dirty and climbing steep mountains. I would like to buy furniture just for fun every year. Bigger house=more cleaning. I don't wear lipstick. I wish I accessorized more. I will buy a pair of Nike shox some day, just not anytime soon. I like my feet. My hands are replicas of my mothers and my grandmothers-I hope my daugther's hands resemble mine. The internet is a time sucker. My husband has this knack for making me feel like I'm amazing and I am so in love with him.